My words of power

The last thing i wanted was my blog to become a page of my diary.... but somehow this seems to be my only way out... not that i dont have other options...not that i havent tried those options... just the sense of guilt afterwards is not worth it...or is it.. cause just writing here does not seem to give me anything back... no guilt, no respite, no sense of achievement all in all...no escape. today was the day of cliches...was walkin besides the canal...was happy cause one of the obstacles had been taken off my path...the path i know is the right path...the path which i supposedly am destined to walk...one which came to my mind was "good men always win in end" or something similar to that...but the thing is that i havent seen any good man winning the lasts... the sound of dreams shattering cannot be heard... these good men are like the fragments of these shattered dreams...un heared... weak and pretty pointless as of no use...not that i dont admire their courage or lets put it this way of being an important factor in keeping the oh so famous balance of good and bad...
well anyway...that word "anyway"...i was once told that words have power and i always thought that the words which had power were probably something out of Koran or some magical words like spells...today walking besides the canal i realized that we all...every single human being know these words of power...and mother of all suprises they are nothing like the words i thought they would be...yes they have power to move the mountain... and yes they have the power to bring tidal waves and open magical doors...but these moving of mountains, these tidal waves and these magical doors are nothing like what we could actually see with our eyes... they all are some where so far... yet so close... for some they are aware of it but for most they dont even know that they all have been always there... they dont even have words to express because all they can do is feel... that sudden twist of stomach... that sudden missed heartbeat... that sudden rush of colour to a face and that electrifying tremble in fingers... the hoaresness of voice ending in a wisper...all these because of the power of words...anyway...wha..yes...no...my words of power....

Lunatic Ramblings

still...

The previous post "thought bin" was probably the best example of when we say that i just didnt made sense so much was goin on in my head that they all seemed like disconnected sentences, fragments of thoughts which just need to be out... now with a person like me who literally dont have anyone to dump that stuff on blog seemed the most obvious place cause there is only one person who actually bothers to read what i have written and somehow that person is alrite... also i think instead of just blaming fate for not having anyone to talk to i think some blame lies on myself too.... not that people werent kind enough to offer themselves its just that in my self i dont want to lay it all out... i dont want to be a cliche such as "i am an open book" "ask me anything and i shall tell" with me i would fuckin hate to be an open book and yeah i do say ask me anything and i shall tell but does that mean that i would actually tell... with telling there are two options 1) what you want me to tell and 2) what i want to tell... now not that all of us are but mostly we all want others to say what we want... so many chat shows and people keep saying that we always say what is on our mind but we dont usually... and thats alrite cause everything and i would emphasise that every fucking thing in ths world is relative.... there are no rules there are no principles... what ever we study in physics, chemistry all the theorems, rules are not exactly the same... the are actually a collection of different experiments which are similar, but are they same... i dont think so because there has to be some slight difference in them... its like making a baby... take a man... take a woman.... man fucks (make love to) the woman... pretty much the same technique... like take hydrogen...fuck it up with chlorine and whola.... in first scenario u got a baby... in second scenario u got HCL... now both the baby and HCL apparently are same cause both can be created by using the same elements and techniques at different times...but does that really happen... no it dosent cause if that did then all people would have been same... same reason all the HCL is not the same cause nothing in this world is exact to another and everything has some trait which makes it different... hence there is no right or wrong and everything is relative so why the hell do we try to categorize differnt things, scenarios, incidences, people... the psycho analists say that cause that it makes things easier for us to remember... but come on people that shouldnt just let us label or categorize everyone... we forget to see the individuals...
Anyway i Have gone beyond the stage of "thought dump" now its just that the brain has stopped workin... i have realized that people who are afraid of death are slightly amature cause they dont know that there are worse thing then losing ones soul to death cause sometimes it is probably the easy way out...cause a lost soul is worse then a soul departing to another truth... i never used to undestand when the other religions use to talk abt pergutaory...now i kinda do but that is not where the soul goes when a person is dead... it can go there even when the person is alive... it can be there when the person is surronded by every damn thing on this planet... people try to master their souls... forgeting that souls actually is what made there bodies more then mud... so i dont know why they limit them cause soul probably is the only thing which can not be bound or commanded... scientist have this easy explanation that certain chemicals trigger emotions... but i think that soul just like hydrogen when comes in contact with anyother element creats a new emotion, which for our convineance sake we can clump into categories, but every single one is different... hence we struggle and come up with sentences like " i love him but not in that way" now what the fuck is "that way" its just that whole emotion is a different emotion...
now love is something which is a very tricky emotion... some how i think my posts have started to sound like this love sick ediot which i would like to think that i am not...but it is such an in your face sort of thing that one has to say it... i mean i have been told that i have no heart... that i want to be like you (which kind ov made me feel great) imediately followed by just like you who can keep his distance from others (which made me realize how true it was). and things like that you are incapable of loving, that you are selfish and that you are too firm or strong... or that you are a push over... or that you dont give enough hugs or that you give too many hugs or that you kiss with your eyes open or that you kiss with your eyes closed that you are to hard or that you are to soft... and then there came along a person who knew me by me just being cig and we both knew that it was a short dead end and we still jumped in it...no question asked... no history told... actually nothing being said apart from polite exchange of opions on issues like weather... ducklings and choice of food... and of course exchange of compliments...nothing else and still...

Lunatic Ramblings

thought bin

Umer Jamal why are u always late???? its better not to love at all then to love and lost...triumph of hope over experience...u have got dancin eyes...hel ya they fuckin tango...i miss sirius... i know u said that the apartment has victorian features but didnt realize that you meant that queen vicky actually lived in it... grave yards are so peaceful... i am doomed to be alone... i need a dog...you will marry and you will also have an extra maratil relation and both would be amazin and would not hinder each other... i need a flat... Allah this is so beautiful... i can see myself growing old here...i need money... u have fantastic hair and u r sexy... i would rather slit my wrists then be trapped in a loveless marriage...i am so fuckin tired of lying to her she deserves so much more better... man without a heart... ur eyes tell another tale...

Lunatic Ramblings