Quetta

You listen to awaz after 18 years and all u can think of is staff college, quetta... I dont know whats happening but its like as if quetta is calling me... Meeting x, the constant memory of murdar, spin karaiz, hanna, uruk, jinnah road, iqra, chiltan, i think i have to go to quetta

I cried

Today i cried.... I cried like i cried twenty years back... With my heart ripping... With my mind numbing... I cried.... And my pillow was x.... I cried....."there is not enough vodka in the world to blur the edges".... What a beautiful bastard

Help help help !!!!

Ok now i seriously seriously think i need help... I am showing all the signs of burnout.... To an extent that now 24/7 i am physically feeling sick... I am exhusted... And i think i am also immensly depressed... Also on top of that my obsessiveness is kicking in majorly... Not gooood... First docy and now X, not goood... What worries me is the fact that i now know almost everything in and out about both of them.... And the problem also is that i know there is no future... And its not even about sex anymore... And thats worrisome... I have really enjoyed making out and cuddling with both.... I have actually enjoyed the physical intimacy and the fact that we had a conversations... The damn fucking... Moments of nothingness...i thought they didnt exist... Damn damn damn... My boss is a pompous incompitent nincompoop...and i do not do not want to leave my country for three months...i think i need help

Me

I refuse to give up... I am flawed... I am immature... I am young... I lack experience... I am nothing... Yet i refuse to give up...