still...

The previous post "thought bin" was probably the best example of when we say that i just didnt made sense so much was goin on in my head that they all seemed like disconnected sentences, fragments of thoughts which just need to be out... now with a person like me who literally dont have anyone to dump that stuff on blog seemed the most obvious place cause there is only one person who actually bothers to read what i have written and somehow that person is alrite... also i think instead of just blaming fate for not having anyone to talk to i think some blame lies on myself too.... not that people werent kind enough to offer themselves its just that in my self i dont want to lay it all out... i dont want to be a cliche such as "i am an open book" "ask me anything and i shall tell" with me i would fuckin hate to be an open book and yeah i do say ask me anything and i shall tell but does that mean that i would actually tell... with telling there are two options 1) what you want me to tell and 2) what i want to tell... now not that all of us are but mostly we all want others to say what we want... so many chat shows and people keep saying that we always say what is on our mind but we dont usually... and thats alrite cause everything and i would emphasise that every fucking thing in ths world is relative.... there are no rules there are no principles... what ever we study in physics, chemistry all the theorems, rules are not exactly the same... the are actually a collection of different experiments which are similar, but are they same... i dont think so because there has to be some slight difference in them... its like making a baby... take a man... take a woman.... man fucks (make love to) the woman... pretty much the same technique... like take hydrogen...fuck it up with chlorine and whola.... in first scenario u got a baby... in second scenario u got HCL... now both the baby and HCL apparently are same cause both can be created by using the same elements and techniques at different times...but does that really happen... no it dosent cause if that did then all people would have been same... same reason all the HCL is not the same cause nothing in this world is exact to another and everything has some trait which makes it different... hence there is no right or wrong and everything is relative so why the hell do we try to categorize differnt things, scenarios, incidences, people... the psycho analists say that cause that it makes things easier for us to remember... but come on people that shouldnt just let us label or categorize everyone... we forget to see the individuals...
Anyway i Have gone beyond the stage of "thought dump" now its just that the brain has stopped workin... i have realized that people who are afraid of death are slightly amature cause they dont know that there are worse thing then losing ones soul to death cause sometimes it is probably the easy way out...cause a lost soul is worse then a soul departing to another truth... i never used to undestand when the other religions use to talk abt pergutaory...now i kinda do but that is not where the soul goes when a person is dead... it can go there even when the person is alive... it can be there when the person is surronded by every damn thing on this planet... people try to master their souls... forgeting that souls actually is what made there bodies more then mud... so i dont know why they limit them cause soul probably is the only thing which can not be bound or commanded... scientist have this easy explanation that certain chemicals trigger emotions... but i think that soul just like hydrogen when comes in contact with anyother element creats a new emotion, which for our convineance sake we can clump into categories, but every single one is different... hence we struggle and come up with sentences like " i love him but not in that way" now what the fuck is "that way" its just that whole emotion is a different emotion...
now love is something which is a very tricky emotion... some how i think my posts have started to sound like this love sick ediot which i would like to think that i am not...but it is such an in your face sort of thing that one has to say it... i mean i have been told that i have no heart... that i want to be like you (which kind ov made me feel great) imediately followed by just like you who can keep his distance from others (which made me realize how true it was). and things like that you are incapable of loving, that you are selfish and that you are too firm or strong... or that you are a push over... or that you dont give enough hugs or that you give too many hugs or that you kiss with your eyes open or that you kiss with your eyes closed that you are to hard or that you are to soft... and then there came along a person who knew me by me just being cig and we both knew that it was a short dead end and we still jumped in it...no question asked... no history told... actually nothing being said apart from polite exchange of opions on issues like weather... ducklings and choice of food... and of course exchange of compliments...nothing else and still...

Lunatic Ramblings