Not complaining...

All my life i have tried to come up to someone elses expectations... not that i am complaining or anything but today i realized that what ever aims, ambitions and desires i have ever had had been propbably been influenced by people who i love and cherish the most... Walt disney once said that no dream is un achievable...all u need is courage to achieve it...and i think evryone can muster that much courage to do so...but then again every dream comes with a responsibility... note: not mentioning price but responsibility... I have always tried to make some one happy by my actions...have always altered myself to be what was expected of me...when i was expected to have no heart.... i just didnt had any heart...not complaining...when i was supposed to react....i reacted.... not complaining....when i was suposed to be soft...i was soft... when i was supposed to be strong...i was strong.... and the most interesting one which i find fascinating is when i was expected to give advice...i gave advice... and sometimes even suprised my self too... probably that is the reason why i am not complaining... I dont know whether i have but i would like to think that i have tried to fulfill what ever was expected of me... but when i get to sit by myself...which i do a lot of given the situation i am and have always been i sometimes wonder... what exactly i am... people find it difficult to answer the question "who i am" that i dont have any problems with... my question is what i am??? because what ever is the given norm...given expectation...given definations... i dont seem to fit in it... i contradict something everytime... an oxymoron... a plain moron probably...i have had change all my life... beautiful memories... of snowcovered varrn mountains...of serene quite turqoise lakes... of apple trees in bitter yet sunny winter days with not a single leave on it but deep red apples in a valley tinkiling with brooks... of the most peaceful evenings in a dessert where the only sound you can hear is a far off tang tang of a bell in some cows neck...of watching the full moon rise and to eat a dinner under its light... of riding horses surounded by the most megnificent mountains... of looking down from a 16th floor at 2 inthe morning and seeing fireworks bursting into dazzling colours below you...of genuine hugs and misty eyes... of surprises at 3 in the morining when you have told that you are in wales....all these memories have also influenced me into what i am... but theses memories were created by people who also made these expectations for me.... so am i actually trying to do what they want me to do just to say that i am thankful to them for giving me these memories can bring a smile on my face at anytime any where... but in all of that... still wonder what am i... what do i want...

Lunatic Ramblings