Realizations....
i have been coming on my blog every night for past whole week and have written so many things but everytime i just couldnt bring my self to actually publish what i was really thinking, probably because everytime somehow what i thought and what i wrote never concided. last whole week has been a strange sort of week. had an extreme sucess and had an extreme loss, but right now both the success and the loss seems to be just another thing. i didnt completely lost it like i use to at the loss but i sure hell acted so well that i could have fooled my own mum. with success its the same. its not that i am ungreatful to ALLAH on the contrary i am so humbled that there are no words for it.
its said that time heals every wound but with me the time is not passing but the wounds are being healed automatically. time is just still, static stopped. that yearn that need is not of that frequency which used to be. for me being all by my self is not as bad as ithought that it would be. about a week ago one of my friends said rather told me that i need to be in a relationship or that i should have a girlfriend. and i told him that i dont really require one. and that is the reality because if i commit i commit completely and if i dont then i dont. i just cant be unsure and god knows that there are other so many things in life about which i am so unsure. why would i need to add another unsurity on top of that. i am not saying that this relationship dosent work because it does for some people. and i hope that those who are in it are just sure about it because we are ourselves branding ourselves. branding is the process by which the farmers mark their catle by stamping them with red hot iron design. so initially everything is hot painfull and later own it does cool down but that design that mark always stays on ones soul. some hide it some show it of but the fact is that mark stays.
some times the mark is put on us. even if we dont want it... i would rephrase the last sentence we want it but we dont want it because we have this capacity for standing up for ourselves. inside us some thing breaks and we let people mark us forever. if you are with old people you can see so many marks in their eyes when the talk abt their past abt other people abot their spouses about their children. so every one gets the marks the stamps. i remember the glow in my Nani's eyes when ever she use to talk about my Nana. there was a certain sort of spark in her eyes, a certain special smile just for him even though he had died thirty years before her death... even if she would recall a certain incident which was not exactly pleasent there was the smile and you could feel how she felt... for her that was it.... i want that for my life....not just a girlfriend whom i would forget five years later.... some people would say that its wish ful thinking and that it is all fantasy dreams etc.... so what if they are.... when leanordo di vici followed his dreams and invented the basis of his flying machine people of his time use to say that he is insane and that he is losing his marbles but now people say that he is great just because he followed his dreams... ther is a strange thing with people in which i am included...if some one succed then what ever he did was great but if some one fail we simply refuse to accept that probably he also did something right...
friends leave a mark on you... i would know because with all the travelling i have had loads of friends out of which not even one is here whom i befriended sixyears ago.... i have a group of completely new individuals.... they are now puting their marks adding their flavour putting their colour on the canvas of my soul.... i dont know whether they would still be their after five years... but one thing i know now that some one does take place of the past people but the individuals leave their marks.... and i am so greatful to everyone and i mean everyone... those who who brought smiles to my face and to even those who brought tears because if they were not there i would have learnet to appreciate the joy of laughing so completely that you feel that you would burst and also the satisfying relaxation which you only get by letting all your guards down and wail on top of your lungs .... hence all is well... like it always is....
Lunatic Ramblings
its said that time heals every wound but with me the time is not passing but the wounds are being healed automatically. time is just still, static stopped. that yearn that need is not of that frequency which used to be. for me being all by my self is not as bad as ithought that it would be. about a week ago one of my friends said rather told me that i need to be in a relationship or that i should have a girlfriend. and i told him that i dont really require one. and that is the reality because if i commit i commit completely and if i dont then i dont. i just cant be unsure and god knows that there are other so many things in life about which i am so unsure. why would i need to add another unsurity on top of that. i am not saying that this relationship dosent work because it does for some people. and i hope that those who are in it are just sure about it because we are ourselves branding ourselves. branding is the process by which the farmers mark their catle by stamping them with red hot iron design. so initially everything is hot painfull and later own it does cool down but that design that mark always stays on ones soul. some hide it some show it of but the fact is that mark stays.
some times the mark is put on us. even if we dont want it... i would rephrase the last sentence we want it but we dont want it because we have this capacity for standing up for ourselves. inside us some thing breaks and we let people mark us forever. if you are with old people you can see so many marks in their eyes when the talk abt their past abt other people abot their spouses about their children. so every one gets the marks the stamps. i remember the glow in my Nani's eyes when ever she use to talk about my Nana. there was a certain sort of spark in her eyes, a certain special smile just for him even though he had died thirty years before her death... even if she would recall a certain incident which was not exactly pleasent there was the smile and you could feel how she felt... for her that was it.... i want that for my life....not just a girlfriend whom i would forget five years later.... some people would say that its wish ful thinking and that it is all fantasy dreams etc.... so what if they are.... when leanordo di vici followed his dreams and invented the basis of his flying machine people of his time use to say that he is insane and that he is losing his marbles but now people say that he is great just because he followed his dreams... ther is a strange thing with people in which i am included...if some one succed then what ever he did was great but if some one fail we simply refuse to accept that probably he also did something right...
friends leave a mark on you... i would know because with all the travelling i have had loads of friends out of which not even one is here whom i befriended sixyears ago.... i have a group of completely new individuals.... they are now puting their marks adding their flavour putting their colour on the canvas of my soul.... i dont know whether they would still be their after five years... but one thing i know now that some one does take place of the past people but the individuals leave their marks.... and i am so greatful to everyone and i mean everyone... those who who brought smiles to my face and to even those who brought tears because if they were not there i would have learnet to appreciate the joy of laughing so completely that you feel that you would burst and also the satisfying relaxation which you only get by letting all your guards down and wail on top of your lungs .... hence all is well... like it always is....
Lunatic Ramblings
posted by lunatic at 11:12 AM
1 Comments:
the First Word which i uttered after goin through dis was "WoW" dun knw y it came out as Wow, i may look alike those idiots for which someone once wrote "Dil k Zukhmoo Ko Koi Shairee Kahay....Afsoos Tou tubh Hota ha Jubh Koi wah wah Kurta Ha" i want to admit that while readin through the lines it ws as if u hv given words to my feelings that might hv triggered the word WOW?? Abt branding hehehe i hv bn branded for over 9 years nw n Alhumdolilah its one of those things i want to keep for al my life.......it burnt at first but now it hs cooled down Alhumdolilah but the only thing which haunts me is one question " Did i deserve the Brand??" its by luck or the blessing of Almighty one thing is for sure n the goal is to keep the brand name alive ;) GUd one Lala a real Gud one
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